Many fathers are a mystery. Father’s Day is often used by Time Travelers to go back in time, and learn more about their own fathers. Watching your dad nervously hold you as a baby, or harshly interrogate your prom date while you are upstairs teasing your feathered hair are are priceless moments that beg to be explored. It is also tempting to try to make little adjustments. Maybe you will even get him to say “I love you” this time around. That would be great! But maybe you won’t….

Here are some things you might want to keep in mind when you visit your dad:

Father’s Day is not for vengeance.

Great catharsis can be found in going back in time and yelling at your dad. Dr. Henrietta May has built a career around it. But keep in mind if you succeed in illuminating your father about just what a terrible job he has done before he has done it, he may not do such a terrible job at all. You could spawn a whole timeline with a much better dad and a you that travels back to the same branching point and wants to know why you’re yelling at dad.

Things may not be how you remember, or what you were told.

You may remember your dad as an overworked provider, only to travel back and find him in a phone booth at a Hooters, telling your mom he has to work late. Or you could sit in the stands behind him at your little league game while you play second base and find that between yelling “Atta Boy”, he is muttering words like like “disappointment” and “faggy”. You might find your dad in line for Star Trek II and be troubled to find the cheap-looking Vulcan girl he is with isn’t your mother… or that she is.

Also keep in mind the ‘Objects in Mirror’ effect. Your dad may not seem as tall, as funny, or even as frightening as you remember. That kind of disappointment sticks with you.

You might accidentally kill him.

Killing your dad is a terrible way to celebrate Father’s Day.

You might prepare for weeks to find your dad at Jeffrey’s Bay so you can surf with him in his prime, only to distract him when that big wave comes. You could simply give him a heart attack when we realizes you are from the future.

You won’t pop out of existence, though you will create a timeline in which you will never be. Your mom won’t be happy about that. Or worse, she will, and you’ll have to deal with a “Reverse Stewart” in which you realize things really would be better if you’d never been born.

Your kid might be trying to visit you.

While you pop back on Father’s Day to visit your dad on a Father’s Day long ago, one or more of your kids might be trying to visit you. Try to keep the ironic time travel to a minimum.

The Hilter Games open today at 4.pm. CST. For those of you unfamiliar with the games, here is a brief synopsis from coordinator Joanna Sherman:

The Hitler Games are an annual competition to thwart  Hitler’s rise to power without killing him. Members are encouraged to use logic, philosophy and pranks, but must not kill Hitler in accordance with the Union rules against murder.

This year’s contest, set in 1909, poses a particular challenge as Hitler has already been born, is already a horrible anti-semite and has already been twice rejected from the Vienna Academy.

The rules are as follows:

A.) Your team may consist of up to seven licensed and certified IUTT members, and one wild-card willing to submit to a memory wipe upon returning to the present.

B.) You and your team must travel back to the contest’s assigned time and point of origin in 1909 and effect change from there. You will have 90 days to adjust the timeline.

C.) You may not kill or maim Hitler. Do not punch him in the face. Even pacifists sometimes have a difficult time with this. Many contestants think they are fine with it, but upon seeing his stupid little mustache, feel an overwhelming need to make it a target for their knuckles.

E.) Do not seduce Hitler. Honestly it’s gross.

F.) You may return to the present at any time during your 90 days if you are satisfied with your results. However you may not loop back to 1909 to make further corrections. Teams are also discouraged from looping back within their 90 days, as that can make the contest go on indefinitely. (Note, your actual age will be checked upon your return.)

G.) Each team may enter only once!

H.) Winners will be decided by a panel of 6 time travelers based on who creates the best overall resultant conditions on June 14th, 1959, at 4pm. As always, members are expected to prevent the attendant atrocities of World War II.

As a note, if you feel you must go back and kill Hitler, you will need to request a transfer to timeline Q173, where the parallel Union of International Time Travelers conducts a nightly hunt, but are rapidly running out of Hitlers.