Category Archives: Alerts

Do Not Survey Your Dates

It is against IUTT policy to survey dates for the purpose of looping back to correct your short-comings. Anyone caught doing so will be fined and face a 30 day suspension which must be served consecutively and without time dilation or jumps.

Members looking to apply behavioral consistency studies to their tempo-sociological research may not do so with their own love interests.

December Transfers

Transfers for December need to have their applications in by November 15th at 1 p.m.. We receive numerous requests each month, and if you do not receive a response, this is not verification that you may transfer. If you wish to transfer from your own timeline to another, whether for research or personal reasons, you are asked to keep the following rules in the forefront of your mind.

  1. If you are traveling for research purposes, you will need to have a completed proposal attached to your application.
  2. If your transfer is for personal reasons, you will need to verify you have attended all appropriate counseling sessions. It is  tempting to skip these, but they are very important and can avoid issues with Pre-Tramatic Stress Disorder and Retronausea.
  3. If you are traveling for sight-seeing or other entertainment purposes, you are asked to delay you request until August. You are free to jump forward if this is more convenient to you. You may also jump back to last August if you prefer, though if you do, you likely already have.
  4. If you are transferring to a timeline in which some version of you exists, you will need written consent from that self and a clear action plan detailing how the transfer will take place.
    • If your other self is also transferring, and you are  switching places, please indicate this in your application.
    • If your other self is transferring to a further timeline, you will need to submit a complete list of how many of your selves are transferring and to where. It is not unheard of for dozens of selves to inadvertently select the same timeline to visit, causing all manner of chaos. This is to be avoided.
    • If the number of selves transferring is infinite, or near infinite, your request will be denied due to the obvious excess of paperwork.
    • If you are transferring to a timeline in which you wish to thwart or kill an evil version of yourself (i.e. evil twin), you will need to get an IA 792 exemption from the ethics board regarding your plans. These exemptions are rare.
    • If your are transferring to a timeline in which you wish to thwart or kill a good version of yourself (i.e. you are the evil twin), you will want to check with the ethics board to see if an IA 792 complaint has been filed against you.
  5. If you are transferring backward to a timeline in which you do not yet exist, please ensure you will not cross over with friends and family who may be jarred by your eventual birth. This is especially true if you are traveling back within your own timeline and have not already been told how weird it is that “you remind me of someone.”
  6. If you are transferring to a timeline in which you never existed and never will exist, please make sure to attach a certified timeline report which indicates this fact.
  7. If you are transferring to a timeline greater than 12° from your original point of origin, please make sure you have all requisite vaccinations and precautions.
  8. If you are transferring to timelines DK2-DK23 please keep in mind there are no vaccinations against dinosaur bites.


Please direct any questions to the comment section below.

Paradox Suppression Technology

Members of the International Union of Time Travelers are reminded that Paradox Suppression Technology is, itself, a paradox and for that reason all such devices should be considered single use.

(In general, this technology is useful only for Time Travelers looking to avoid spawning additional realities for moral, philosophical or logistical reasons.)


Wishy-Washiness Spawns Timelines!

A number of new members have noted items gone missing, or, more frequently, turning up in odd places. There is misplacing your keys, and then there is finding them frozen in a friend’s ice-cube tray. While this could be the symptom of simple drunken idiocy, it could also be a symptom that you’ve briefly crossed through a timeline in which the drunken idiot was an alternate version of you. You may have suffered his or her consequences while she or he has reaped your sober rewards.

While anyone can inadvertently cross into a similar timeline (a tree with an extra leaf, a misremembered quote from Shakespeare), Time Travelers are more prone to these slips into nearly identical parallel realities. The easiest way to protect yourself from this sort of issue is to be firm in your resolve to be either sober or drunk. Remember, wishy-washiness spawns timelines.

M19-M21 Off-limits Until Further Notice

The M19-M21 timelines are again off-limits throughout North America until further notice, unless you are doing research on extreme climate change. You should conclude your research as soon as possible, be licensed to drive a double-wide or triple-wide S.U.V. vehicle and should not expect to find a parking spot.  Further, you will need to manage attacks by radioactive Texas boar-hounds,  preposterously corpulent looters and, of course, more super-tornadoes.

Have cigars and/or clean drinking water on hand for bribes. As always, when working in an M divergent, a knowledge of creationist theory and climate change denial is essential.

Keep Fred Rogers Safe

Do not bring footage of the June, 1971 Mr. Rogers incident out of timeline Q17. It traumatizes children and is considered an illegal export. Out of hundreds of cataloged timelines with Mr. Rogers, only this instance reveals any appearance of improper behavior.  Investigations have shown that he was lead to believe the nun would be demonstrating macrame, and the police officer would be providing advice on biking, not using his handcuffs to restrain a beloved television personality.

The temptation to reveal a different side of a public figure can be powerful and the results can be illuminating. However, in this case, all we find out is that Fred Rogers was trusting, and did not expect a pair of rather cruel time-travelers to dupe him into a compromising situation. Further, by removing the video from the context of its own timeline, Fred Rogers is denied the ability to defend himself.

The popular video below should remain as-is, and without further embellishment.

Please Avoid Spoilers!

If you are considering traveling forward in time to watch your favorite television program, for example, Mad Men, do not travel back here and  announce in the comments what happened. Hold your comments until after the program has aired and please label those comments as spoilers. This is especially true for the 2015 series finale!

Open for Questions

Time Travel QuestionsThe Board of the International Union of Time Travelers has agreed to take 3 questions from non-time-travelers or other persons curious about, but not active in, temporal mechanics or multiverse exploration. Questions regarding cheese desserts, prognostication, typographical errors and Chuck Norris will be rejected out of obvious necessity to maintain the integrity of this blog, and the fabrical illusion of contiguous cause and effect.

If you would like your question answered, please ask it clearly and politely in the comments below. Each question will be answered as time allows.